The latest funny stories about cats
"Bad luck"
In the evening after a hard day I decided to relax in front of the TV. I made tea, turned on the movie, and didn’t bother anyone. My cat sat down on the floor in the hallway, listening to all the rustles in the front door. She growled menacingly at everyone who passed by our apartment, that’s how militant she is. Soon I got tired of these tricks of hers, I shouted at her a little. This helped, nothing else distracted me from watching TV, at least for the next five minutes, after which I heard a terrible cat scream.
I look around, my purr is nowhere to be found, I went into the corridor - it’s not there either, I run into the kitchen - and there the cat is hanging head down with its tail wrapped around the radiator. I just recently painted this battery. The tail stuck, interestingly enough, tightly, so I was forced to cut off the fur. But the battery turned out to be fluffy and white.
"Generous soul"
I once lived with a cat, Manya, the most common “yard” breed, but her intelligence and stubbornness could not help but amaze. Her favorite pastime was stealing. My mustachioed darling stole all sorts of goodies, she stole not at home, but from neighbors, and, what’s important, she took everything she stole into the house. One late evening I tried to fall asleep for a long time, and when it seemed that sleep had finally come to me, I felt something cold and large next to my head.
I grabbed this “something” with my hand, it was soft to the touch, a little viscous, very unpleasant, so I reflexively threw this “thing” aside. I jumped out of bed, turned on the light, looked at the floor, and there was a piece of meat, gnawed, all in a torn plastic bag. I look at the bed, and there my Manka is sitting and looking at me with such a gentle look, saying, “Eat, this is for you.”
"Reined in"
A bachelor friend of mine lived with a cat named Gray. One day he decided to have another “living creature” in the apartment and bought a parrot. Not only he, but also the purr liked this acquisition. The homemade pussy felt all her hunting instincts awaken within her. The parrot had a hard time; he couldn’t let down his guard because of the risk of being caught.
Gray made him look for the fifth corner every 5-10 minutes. Such “games” continued for months. During all this time, the cat never managed to catch the parrot. Either she wanted it that way, or the bird turned out to be clever. Whatever it was, the latter soon got tired of the “hunt”. Having somehow noticed how a furry tormentor was approaching him, the parrot, instead of flying into the air, turned around and said: “Gray, get out.”
With these words, the owner usually drove away his pet when it got under his feet. Gray did not expect this from the bird; the cat looked at her prey in shock, and then slowly sank down, bending her paws. After that, she completely lost interest in the parrot.
Funny stories with cats and cats
"Starving"
My grandmother told me this story. At one time she lived with a cat and a cat, completely lazy and spoiled. Despite the opportunity, while enjoying village life, to hunt for mice and birds, they never did this, because they knew that they would always be fed not just anything, but chicken meat. True, they still had their own quirks... One day my grandmother decided to take a bucket of waste to the compost, took it, went out into the yard, looked - and her neighbor came to her. They started chatting and then suddenly they asked their grandmother:
– What do you feed the cats?
Well, she answers honestly:
- Meat, the whole freezer is filled with it.
- It seems to me that you are starving them.
The grandmother turns towards the bucket and sees a cat nearby gnawing on a cabbage stalk, and the cat feasting on potato skins. This “oil painting” impressed the owner of the pampered purrs.
"Promotion"
Everyone's favorite cat has kids in the city's social security system. It’s clear that the team couldn’t keep the furry babies, so it was decided to hang a notice on the front door: “We’ll give the kittens to good hands. Contact office No. 10." This, unfortunately, didn't work. The workers didn’t waste any time, they came up with another original trick - they hung up another advertisement: “Management of social services. Security is holding a promotion for single pensioners. Anyone can get their hands on one kitten. Contact office No. 10″. Not only were the kittens taken apart, the mother cat also got a new home.
"Spartan"
In the morning, getting ready for work, I took things out of the closet. Before leaving, I needed to look into the room again, and I saw that the closet door had been pushed to the side. I thought that I forgot to close it completely, closed it immediately, ran away... In the evening I was surprised at the doorstep, the cat did not come out to greet me. I call her - silence. The windows are closed, the doors are closed - the purring is nowhere to be found. I think I'll change clothes and continue my search.
I open the closet, there is a rustling from below... I observe the following picture - the cat is backing up, getting out of the narrow, narrow space between the shoe boxes. She stood there, it turns out, the whole day. Well, a real Spartan. After that, by the way, she slept for a long time, apparently tired.
“Everything for your beloved mustachioed pets”
My neighbor on the landing is, to put it mildly, a strange man. He had a cat, which he regularly let out for a walk outside. He even made a hole at the bottom of the door for her. So, probably, he was less bothered by the fact that the purr had to be released and allowed into the house on its own. Before I had time to get used to this hole in the neighbor’s door, another one appeared nearby, but much smaller in size. I ask my neighbor:
- Listen, why did you cut out the second one?
- So I also got a kitten.
Probably no one tries as hard for their mustachioed pets as he does.
Funny stories about cats and cats from real life
"I did not notice"
My cat Vasilisa loves to go “for a walk” on the balcony, which, of course, is often closed. In such cases, Vasya has to call someone for help, meow and attract the attention of the owners so that they let her out. My friend decided to make our life a little easier and taught the cat to go out onto the balcony through the window. She really liked this “travel” method, she began to use it regularly, and everyone felt good about it.
One day, we were talking with a guy in the kitchen, we heard a crash, as if someone had crashed their head into the glass, and then a grinding sound, as if someone was sliding down the window. We run into the room, and there our Vasya is sitting, dumbfounded... we look - the window is closed.
"Far from being injured"
In the evening I’m busy in the kitchen; my husband has returned from fishing and is cleaning the fish he caught with his own hands. A cat is spinning at his feet, emitting heart-rending screams, that’s how she begs. I soon got tired of her meowing, I told my husband: “Cut off the cat’s head!”, meaning, naturally, a fish head for the cat. After this, there is a crunch of the cervical vertebrae, followed by a loud “MEOW”, and then a slap on the floor and silence.
Hearing all this, the child shouted “Papaaaa” and ran into the kitchen with his eyes wide open in fear. The child imagined the worst thing, and looked - the cat was alive and healthy, happy, enjoying her share. My husband and I laughed for a long time after that.
"These are cats"
My mother moved to the village. She is a dog lover and doesn’t like cats, but she can’t do without one in the yard; someone needs to catch mice. I came to visit her one day and saw that there were at least a dozen mustachioed and striped ones wandering near the house. Mom buys milk for them from a neighbor, pours it into a basin and crumbles bread there. I look at this picture, at the happy, fluffy faces, and say:
- Mom, is it that you fell in love with cats? You have a lot of them here...
“My cat is that red one,” he points. – The rest just come to “earn extra money” and take turns carrying mice.
Pause. Sighing heavily, my mother added:
- It is possible, of course, that they are carrying the same mouse. These are cats, after all!
“Psychologist for a cat?”
My brother and his wife moved to Hong Kong, and two cats live in their apartment. They learned from local friends that in the city you can use the services of a psychologist for cats. Like, it will help if the pet started to behave strangely or its behavior simply became problematic.
My relatives remembered this service when one of the cats annoyed them with its presence in the bedroom. The door is closed - and she sits in front of it and yells. Nothing helped stop her from doing this. They turned to that same miracle specialist. He advised them to scare the cat in the bedroom so that it would be afraid to go there in the future.
Every day they sat in a room with pots and banged on them with metal scoops. It had no effect on the cat. She probably thought that her owners needed a psychologist, or even a psychiatrist.
"Satan"
One day we got together with friends at my house, there was nothing to do, we surfed the Internet and found an article about how to summon the devil. Of course, nothing worked out, though. A couple of days later, a cat came into my apartment. At first I thought that it would be great to live with him, I was even afraid that he and the dog wouldn’t get along. How wrong I was. On the very first day, the dog was hiding in horror from this fiend under the bed, and I was hiding at home from people because my whole face was scarred from the claws of this devil.
I decided to take him to the vet to get the necessary vaccinations, but the cat thought differently - he tore the doctor’s clothes, and at home he gave me “punishment” by breaking a couple of jars of jam and scattering all my clothes around the room. I gave this cat the name Satan because I realized that we did call the devil that night, only he was a little busy then.
"Who did it?"
Our cat has an irresistible love for bags; he loves to crush and fiddle with them. Everything would be fine, but he does it at night, when everyone is trying to sleep. Recently we were at the market and bought ourselves a three-liter jar of honey, which we put in a bag to make it easier to carry. So, our cat decided to play with this particular bag, and at some point he apparently stuck his head into the handle of the bag and hit the sofa.
Of course, he scared himself terribly and ran to escape from an unknown misfortune, and with such force that he tore the bag halfway from the kitchen to the room. The sounds from this, of course, were not exactly quiet, so a minute later the whole family was standing next to a jar lying on its side and a bag without a handle, which was on the cat sitting next to it. He looked at it all with inexpressible surprise, as if he, too, was trying to sleep and was now asking: “Who did this?”
"Search Cats"
My husband smokes, I really don’t like it, but I can’t convince him. We constantly quarrel with him because of this, it got to the point that I threw cigarettes in the trash, in the toilet, or just on the street. This really infuriated my husband and he swore. I love him very much, so I decided to wean him off smoking more gently.
This idea came to me when I read about dogs in the army and police. There was an article about how they are taught to detect drugs by smell. I thought, cigarettes are also a drug, and cats also have a good sense of smell. Do you get the idea? Yes, I trained cats to eat cigarettes, and now they find them everywhere and chew them. It’s impossible to smoke them after this, I pretend to be surprised by the cats’ behavior, and everything turns into a joke.
"Happy cat"
There are few windows in my apartment. It's almost summer now, and my heating is centralized, so the radiators don't work. It turns out that they now cool the whole house, and since there are only one or two windows, it’s colder in our apartment than outside. To keep the cat warm while I'm at work, I wrap him in a blanket.
At first I was afraid that he would crawl out of it and freeze in the end, but it turned out that the cat does not at all want to leave the heated place. I don’t know whether he learned to wrap himself up again or not, but when I arrive, I see the cat in the same place with inexpressible happiness in his eyes.
"Lizard"
My cat turned into a lizard. I'll explain everything now. It was a child’s birthday, so that everything went as expected, they hung balloons on the chandelier. And not two or three, but just a big cloud. Balls have three states. Everyone knows this: when they are inflated and tend to the sky, deflated, we buy them in this state, and the balloon doesn’t seem to have deflated yet, but I realized that it won’t reach the Sun and is now hanging there, gloomy and sad, living out its week .
We have just entered this stage. The strings of the balls were long, so now they are almost lying on the floor. Apparently, these were unusual balls, but an ancient Egyptian artifact that turns all cats into snakes and lizards. How else can we explain that the cat now moves only at the speed of an airplane and exclusively by crawling?
"Offended Cats"
I love cats, so I have three of them, and they are all twins. They shed at the same time, in the spring, so I think it’s not worth telling you what’s happening in the apartment at this time. It feels as if some evil, despicable brownie is shaving them at night, by the morning new hair grows, but the old ones are scattered in all corners. The vacuum cleaner is already clogged, and the broom is covered in wool. I decided to shave them.
And since March and April were not very warm, I waited until May so that the cats would not freeze without fur. And now, finally, the first thaw, 25 degrees has remained for two days, and I sit down to shave them. We talked for a long time about the need for this procedure. We agreed that in the summer the wool would not accumulate excess heat, and it would be less cool. And what do you think? The warm days are over and the rains have begun. There is no heating, the apartment is cold, the cats are still freezing. And now they walk and look at me offended, and they are also deliberately shivering from the cold. It really breaks my heart...
"Cucumbers"
My mother-in-law lives in the village, she has a vegetable garden there, we periodically come to her to grow potatoes, and just to help. Once again, she asked us to help with the cat. I ask, what's wrong? He seems to be sitting quietly by the stove, generally sleeping. While we were working outside, I never saw him.
It turned out that they and their neighbors were experiencing the First World War in miniature. The mother-in-law's plot and the neighboring one were at enmity. She herself did not want this war, but the army did not ask her. More precisely, not an army, but an ill-fated cat. He wanted to recapture territory from his neighbors so much that he began to carry out sabotage on them. He stole cucumbers from the plot. Yes, we were shocked too, but the cat really stole cucumbers and then ate them.
"Nightmare"
I never had cats as a child, but recently my parents got themselves Murka, a black cat. I would call it not Murka, but “The Nightmare of All Russia.” I'm 25 years old, I don't seem to be a cowardly guy, but this... It scares me. We live with our parents in different cities, and recently I came to visit them for a week. So that you understand how capricious this one is, I’ll tell you about my usual night hike. I am a night owl, that is, a person who gets up and goes to bed late. Usually, when everyone goes to bed, I sit on the Internet and just relax.
And somewhere, at one in the morning, I go to the kitchen, drink water, and then sleep. On the very first day, the cat drove me into a trap. I drank water and was about to sleep, but Murka thought otherwise. She stood up at the exit and began to hiss. Yes, deep down I understood that it was unlikely that she would kill me now with a lightning-fast jump, but I didn’t want to face the wrath of this creature. Standard methods, such as using a towel, waving your hand, or screaming, did not help. I admit, a twenty-five-year-old guy had to call his mother to save him from an evil cat.
Incredible cat stories
Cats are one of the most mysterious animals on Earth. They are independent and proud, but at the same time sensitive and responsive to kindness. And this is why people love cats very much. As practice shows, cats can work well and rest well, as well as travel a lot and perform on stage. Read all the most interesting facts about cats in our article.
Working cats
A cat is a headstrong and lazy animal, but people still managed to find employment for this pet. In London, some felines work in post offices. They are listed as full-time employees and officially receive a “salary”, which, moreover, regularly increases to take into account inflation. This has been going on for 130 years. Cats at the post office have a very important job: they protect parcels and parcels from rodents. There are similar employees on government pay in Austria. The mustachioed workers who guarded the warehouses for several years are even entitled to a lifetime pension. It comes in the form of meat, milk and broth. And this is quite justified, because one cat that hunts mice saves up to 10 tons of grain annually.
In Germany there is the “First Cat Museum”, in which about 10 cats serve as guards and caretakers. It contains over three thousand exhibits that Angelina Ramsperger painstakingly collected from all over the world.
In America, mustachioed pets take part in cat races. The city of Little Rock annually hosts a 150-meter race, and the winner receives the grand prize of two thousand dollars.
In Russia there is a famous and one-of-a-kind cat theater led by Yuri Kuklachev. Cat artists have been working there since 1990. Fluffy stars, led by the famous clown, perform miracles on stage - they jump, play, stretch out their paws, jump over a hoop, climb a pole. The animals are kept by the theater and live “like in Kuklachev’s bosom.”
There have been incredible stories of cats being found on submarines. Their ability to sensitively respond to odors was used to detect gas leaks from relevant devices. In such cases, the “fluffy sailors” were kept on military pay.
In Antarctica, smuggled kittens constantly live with winterers. The pioneer of this tradition was the cat Timofey, who in 1988–1989. lived at North Pole stations No. 28 and 29. Four-legged friends emotionally help their owners live on a cold and eternally ice-covered continent.
Many famous and rich people kept cats, and some even left them inheritances. Thus, pets became owners of entire fortunes. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the richest cats are a couple who inherited $415,000 in the early 60s. And the richest single cat inherited $250,000.
An interesting case was described in the book “My Favorite Cats” by trainer Yuri Kuklachev, who talked about cats from Switzerland that have their own bank accounts. These accounts were opened by their wealthy owner, putting part of her own capital into them. And when the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds fined these cats two pounds sterling for "systematically killing birds", they had to use their account. The check was written by an employee hired specifically to care for the cats, although the bank employees were originally provided with a form containing the paw prints of its “depositors.”
Funny stories about cats and dogs
"Ungrateful Cat"
For a long time we had only one pet, a ginger cat named Lisa, but then my wife brought an abandoned puppy into the house, which quickly grew into a well-fed large dog. The fox really didn’t like him, and this dislike was mutual. Fortunately, there were no fights; most often our favorites simply ignored each other. It was like this until the ill-fated day when our Fox found himself on the verge of life and death.
The fact is that the purr decided that a new device in the house (“dryer”) was installed for her. So she climbed in there, and my wife, not noticing the mustachioed one, decided to use the device for its intended purpose, turned it on and went out to run errands. A few minutes later, the dog, sitting under the bathroom door, began barking, as it seemed to me for no reason.
It took me a while to figure out what was going on in the bathroom, but fortunately it was not too late for Lisa. The dog saved her life, and do you know how the cat reacted to this? After that, she began to hiss at her savior. What an ungrateful animal.
"Mutually beneficial relationship"
When we decided to move in with our common-law spouse, we spent a long time deciding whether to get a dog or a cat. I am for cats, and my husband is a dog lover. Ultimately, we decided to take two pets at our own risk. To our great happiness, the dog and cat became friends. Moreover, in the summer they became one real team: the dog learned to open the refrigerator, his girlfriend got inside, threw food off the shelves for him, took the vacated space there, and went to rest, escaping the heat.
"I changed my mind"
I adore cats, in particular, my cat Achi, which my wife, a dog lover, is not happy with. The three of us live together and I am happy with this life. One day, however, my wife raised the topic of the need to purchase a dog. Like, the cat doesn’t make her happy, she needs to buy a Pomeranian. Naturally, I was not ready for this, and probably neither was my Achi.
For the sake of saving the mustachioed striped one, I resorted to a trick. I asked my wife if she would be ready to go for a walk with the dog every day, they say, I’m not going to do that. She naturally promised to be a good housewife. Then I suggested that she get tested. I say:
– Go out into the yard every morning and evening. “Walk” there for 40 minutes, you don’t have to do anything, you can just stand. If you can stand it like this for a week, so be it, Achi and I will accept a dog into the family.
My wife hasn’t wanted a dog for three days now.
“The neighbor’s food tastes better”
My cat is capricious when it comes to food. At home, he didn’t like anything I offered him. I kept wondering how he survives if he eats almost nothing. And he looks well-fed and happy, how can this be. Only a few months later the neighbors informed me that my pet was coming to them to eat dog food. After that I started buying one for him to take home. And what do you think? At home he doesn’t touch it, the furry impudent guy continues to visit his neighbors. I had little choice, so I started buying food for kind people so that my mustachioed and striped dog wouldn’t eat them.
Jokes about cats and cats
Criminal cat This cat was absolutely black, sleek, like a panther, beautiful and, apparently, of good blood. But she was unlucky in life (most likely, someone kicked her out of the house) and she earned her own food. In the summer in the nearest summer cottages, and in the winter in the surrounding garbage dumps in the village. She wasn’t afraid of people, but she didn’t ingratiate herself, and she didn’t give in to people’s hands. She fiercely fought for garbage dumps with the surrounding cats, who greatly respected her. A kind of tailed “mafia lady” in black, with a revolver in her belt, who doesn’t start fights, but if something happens, she’ll shoot you without blinking an eye.
It’s difficult to live in the village in winter, all the summer residents leave, leaving only a few locals. My dad also remained, to whom Chernukha occasionally turned for financial help. She didn’t beg, but calmly came, sat on the fence in front of the window and silently looked with a heavy, motionless gaze. I sat for an hour, sat for two. Dad silently brought out the sausage. The cat climbed down from the fence and ate the sausage right there on the path, rather than taking it away, which was a demonstration of trust and gratitude.
So the winter passed. I came to my dad, cleaned the paths, and the cat sat on a snowdrift, black and motionless, and watched my actions. In response to attempts to touch her with her hand, she simply moved to the side and from there again shone with her huge green eyes. It’s an eerie sight – in the shadow of a snowdrift at night the black cat is not visible, only two round eyes glow demonically.
The next summer the cat became insolent. She sat on the porch for an hour, and then broke into the window and sat on it without entering the house. The children arrived, and through their efforts the cat noticeably improved. She became impudent, elastic and shiny, and spent half the day in our area. And then she began to break into, well, break into, the house, and she still didn’t give in to anyone’s hands. It was expelled exclusively with the help of a broom. She considered that this was already her home, and we were simply occupiers who were obliged to feed her.
She loved dad, but she couldn’t pet him. There was a quiet war going on with my mother. Morning. The linen was changed only in the evening. A black trash cat has climbed onto the bed and is scratching furiously, and from it, like sparks from a sparkler, fleas fly out in black dots and “jump” across the white sheet. A magic broom is used, there is no other way.
The war ended in the fall with the victory of the cat and the children, without which they categorically refused to return. When I imagined that this monster would live in an apartment, under the same roof as us, I felt unwell, and I declared “it’s either me or the cat.” We chose a cat.
And here is this elderly (she was, in my opinion, already ten years old) bandit in our house. The feeling from her presence is as if you are living with a dude who has recently “stepped out” of the zone. Do not trust, do not fear, do not ask. He doesn’t allow himself to be petted, doesn’t snap, but deftly slips away a millimeter from your hand. He doesn't bite or scratch, but sometimes he looks at him in such a way that it becomes scary. She doesn’t ask for food, no matter how hungry she is, but sits on the aisle and silently waits. And he looks. Green headlights.
(Don't believe it) All cats, when they eat or lie near a bowl, stretch out their tail, thereby showing that this is their territory. This one ate with her tail between her legs and sitting on it. She never, never (!) allowed her tail to lie carelessly, always carefully tucking it under her.
(Don't ask) Realizing that she would have to wait a long time for food in silence, she began to steal socks and exchange them for food. You wake up in the morning - there is no sock! You go to the bowl, call Chernukha - and she comes with a sock in her teeth, and with a sock that is not chewed, not slobbering or has holes in it. The one he took is the one he gives back.
(Don't be afraid) Knowing what the street is, she did not go out not only outside the apartment door, but even onto the balcony. The children's attempt to take her out for a walk ended with the cat clinging to the doorframe and not letting go until the door was closed. And once we opened the door at the same time as our neighbors, who were taking their dachshund dog out for a walk. Hearing harmful sounds from the room near the home door, the cat jumped out, sat on the threshold and said something to the dog in its own language. She didn’t cling, didn’t go beyond the threshold, didn’t hiss or meow, but just meowed briefly, and that was enough for the dog. The dachshund ran home squealing, claws grinding and slipping on the laminate flooring, and hid under the refrigerator. I didn't know that dachshunds are flat and can crawl into narrow crevices from which it is impossible to reach. It turned out that they could, and the owners then scolded our bandit and their dachshund for a long time.
And then the cat got used to it, began to allow herself to be stroked (but would not be held), and began raising children. She tightly controlled the scattered things, monitored bedtime and woke them up for school. From a “retired criminal” in retirement, the cat has turned into a certain Freken Bock, who runs the household, sighing and swearing. She even began to travel to the dacha in a carrier and ran the household there without leaving the house one step (this is at the dacha!)
A few years later she became quite old, her fangs fell out and the hair on her head and back came out. She died at the dacha in the summer, from old age, and we all cried because we had become very attached to the black bandit.
